LifeSoup by Cherie Dawn Haas

by Cherie Dawn Haas

A diamond ring. Motivation. Sleep.

    At some point, we’ve all lost something. Doing so is a universal experience, a right of passage; one might even say it’s an art:

“The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.” 

~From “One Art,” Elizabeth Bishop

This poem first came to my awareness when I was in college, navigating what it meant to be a functioning young adult. More importantly, this verse is part of what helped me learn to be a functioning human. In ways that it takes years to understand, these few lines helped teach me that “the cup is already broken,” which is a Buddhist analogy on accepting change in a world where we cling to the concept of permanence. Rather than stirring sadness, to me it evokes a sense of peace, which comes with the release of attachment to objects as well as mental and physical states of being.

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Attachment is second-nature to those of us who have grown up in a consumer culture. We cherish objects and hold them so highly in regard that when they become lost we are left in misery. Unless, of course, we learn the art of losing. Allow me to share another Eastern-inspired concept that I often repeat in order to avoid self-induced suffering: “With or without this, I am at peace.”

When a burglar pried open my living room window, he stole several objects, including a set of wedding bands that belonged to my deceased mother-in-law. The rings were but a symbol of that love. Having had them taken from me, lost from my possession forever, was a reminder that at least memories continue to live in our minds. This was reassuring, except I realize that as we age, even our memories don’t escape the possibility of becoming lost.

Which brings us to another type of loss some of us have mastered: mental states such as motivation. If we expect to succeed in life by staying motivated to live the “perfect” life or have a “perfect” body, we’re in for disappointment. An example: if I eat a sleeve of cookies because someone broke into my house, I can expect to then gain a pound or so. My motivation to eat healthy may be lost at least temporarily, but there’s nothing to grieve if I already consider that the body doesn’t recognize motivation; math (calories in vs calories out) rules without judging the change as a disaster.

When we’ve had a long day and are ready to go to bed, we hope that sleep will embrace us. But who hasn’t struggled with falling to sleep or woken up in the middle of the night, with thoughts of the past or future stealing our mental peace? It was difficult, for example, to slip into slumber mere hours after someone invaded my home. Aside from the sugar rush that came with the sleeve of cookies, unanswerable questions kept me alert. Who was he? Why did he break into my house? Would he come back? … All of which caused me to – you guessed it – lose sleep. 

Eventually, I learned how to sleep soundly with things like present-moment awareness. This includes letting go of the past, letting go of something we all lose: time.

I believe Elizabeth Bishop understood that when we treat loss as an art, that when we realize it’s no disaster because change was always meant to rule, then we find the greatest gifts: acceptance of reality, which leads to inner peace. That, surely, is no disaster.

Peace, love, and inspiration,
Cherie Dawn

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